Look! More metaphors!
I’m embarking on edits for The Ikessar Falcon after receiving feedback from my last beta-reader, and it’s been a world of hurt.
Don’t get me wrong. I appreciate brutal feedback from a few select people. I wouldn’t have gotten this far if I didn’t embrace the idea of tearing my work apart and then trying to build it up piece by piece. I trust critiques from these guys because I know they want the work to be just as good as I do, as opposed to getting critiques from random strangers who are just doing it for their own ego. For pure love of the craft, we need to do this right.
But it is never easy, especially when it’s up to me to piece everything together. It’s like saying, “Okay, Kay, there’s going to be people firing at you from all directions, but you can do this. Just zig-zag, then when you get to that tree over there, duck a couple of times, and then just run slightly faster than the deranged maniac chasing you…but not too fast because you don’t want to lose him. Gotta keep that heart pounding!”
It’s both mentally and physically exhausting, especially on a project this size. The Ikessar Falcon is nearly 200k words and has three arcs. I’m attempting to juggle everything–character development, politics, action, relationships, and a seriously large plot that you won’t see fully until the end. I don’t want the pacing to lag. I don’t want to rely on info-dumps and exposition. Most importantly, I want the work to soar. Empty, flat words just to convey a story won’t do. It has to do everything, and do it right.
So I’m having an artistic tantrum over the whole thing, because I know where I want to take it but it’s also been an uphill climb just to get this far. I’m tired. I just want to drink myself to a stupor. And I wonder maybe if I’m putting myself under too much pressure. Instead, I take all of that emotion, bottle it up, and then throw it across the manuscript. Mind vomit. Heart vomit. Art.
That’s it, honestly. I get work done these days simply via muscle memory and having no other emotional output than my projects. I think up the scene, feel everything everyone has to feel over it, and then let the cards fall where they may. And then I edit, brutally, until it feels right. And then I have a good cry.
I really should stop procrastinating now, too…
