One of the scariest things about being a writer is that you have to create something that inevitably, somebody will misunderstand.
This has never been more clear to me than when my husband was beta-reading my books. He can be downright critical about some of the character choices, even after I explain them to him in person. He “gets” how I’ve portrayed them, but sometimes still doesn’t quite understand why I didn’t do it another way.
Maybe it was easier in the old days. You shut yourself in a room with a candle and a jar of ink and then just mailed stuff to the publisher. None of this need to have a blog or be active on social media and put your opinions out there for other people to judge. Because you know, saccharine politeness gets old, and I don’t know any writer worth their salt that didn’t have strong opinions about things.
Before I had a family, I was quite active in certain communities, where I learned that people either had a love me or hate me response. On the web, I’m sort of on the point and I curse a lot. This obviously rubs off on some people the wrong way, even though I don’t go out of my way to attack someone and I’m actually really reasonable if you spoke to me directly (despite my words, I write with a fluffy kitten on my lap and sometimes bake cookies in the afternoon. Of course, you could cut your teeth on them, but that’s not the point). There was an instance where I was asked to pull the plug on a popular online community because I was the designated webmaster and the attacks turned personal.
I sort of slowly removed myself from interacting with strangers after that.
And then the writing thing happened, and I have to go back out here again. It’s dark and it’s scary, despite all the friendly faces. This is just one of the many burdens writers have to face. Putting your words out there for people to judge. Having to maintain an aura of professionalism when the other party refuses to do the same thing. Waking up to do it all over again. Is it a wonder that some authors choose to withdraw, or even assume an antagonistic stance? Sometimes I think the “tortured genius” act isn’t so much ego-driven as it is a defense mechanism.
Because this is a hellish job, and if you want to continue with it, you find ways to cope. Mine involves saying fuck this shit far too many times than one really ought to.
Read The Agartes Epilogues. There’s rantings and angst, magic and monsters, cities and wilderness and politics and food. Although I’ve been told “cabbage pancakes with shrimp paste” sounds absolutely disgusting.
